Narcissists often use various tactics to deflect blame and avoid taking responsibility for their actions in an argument. Here are some common phrases they may use:
1. “It’s not my fault, it’s because of you/money/stress/work.” Narcissists often try to shift the blame onto others or external factors to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They may point out how someone else’s behavior or circumstances contributed to the situation, making themselves appear innocent.
2. “If you wouldn’t have done this, I wouldn’t have done that.” Narcissists often try to justify their actions by blaming others for provoking them. They may use this statement to imply that their negative behavior was a direct result of someone else’s actions, implying that they were simply reacting and not responsible for their choices.
3. “You knew what you were getting into; this is just the way that I am.” This phrase is a way for narcissists to justify their problematic behavior by suggesting that others should have known what to expect. By claiming that their behavior is innate and unchangeable, they avoid taking responsibility for their actions and dismiss any need for personal growth or accountability.
4. “You’re overreacting/being too sensitive.” Narcissists often invalidate the feelings and emotions of others as a way to deflect from their own problematic behavior. By suggesting that the other person is exaggerating or being overly sensitive, they dismiss the validity of their concerns and avoid addressing their own actions.
5. “I was just joking/you can’t take a joke.” Narcissists may use humor as a way to mask their hurtful or offensive comments. When confronted about their inappropriate behavior, they may claim that they were only joking and accuse the other person of lacking a sense of humor or taking things too seriously. This allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their hurtful words by shifting the blame onto the other person.
6. “You’re trying to control/manipulate me.” Narcissists often accuse others of trying to control or manipulate them when confronted about their own manipulative or controlling behavior. By flipping the script and placing the blame on the other person, they can avoid addressing their own problematic actions and turn the focus back onto the accuser.
It’s important to recognize that these phrases and tactics used by narcissists are manipulative and serve to deflect blame rather than promote healthy communication and resolution. When engaging in arguments with narcissists, it’s crucial to maintain your own boundaries, validate your own feelings, and not let their deflections and excuses undermine your own self-worth.